Peaceful women do things differently. 

Here are four things you can put into practice that will help you achieve that same peace.

1.  Peaceful women know their limits.  They don’t overextend themselves beyond their comfort level.   They know their limits with time, work, energy, eating, spending, drinking, or entertaining and practice balance in these things.  They identify times of extra stress and adjust accordingly. Above all, they are realistic about their expectations of themselves without judgement or self criticism.

2. Peaceful women set boundaries to stay within their limits.  Not only do they know their limits, they can enforce these limits by setting boundaries.  They can say “no” and are not afraid to do so when necessary.

3.  Peaceful women aren’t motivated by guilt or other people’s disapproval.  They don’t try to “people please”. They know their own feelings and needs and can stay connected to these in times of stress.  This is particularly true of family gatherings.  If you find the thought of attending an upcoming gathering more of a burden than a joy, simply excuse yourself this time. Sometimes we just get stuck in a rut and forget that we have choices.

4.  Peaceful women know their priorities and freely set these. They don’t have unrealistic expectations that cause them to expend energy for things they feel aren’t important. Take the quick quiz below to identify your priorities. Imagine that you can freely choose based only on your preferences. You may not be able to break free from rituals or the preferences of others this year. But it is important to know what your priorities are. Many women, being caught up in making others happy, aren’t aware of the priorities for their own happiness.

Rate the following items from 0 – 10, with 0 being not important and 10 being very important.

• Time with family.
• Special events such as concerts, plays, musicals, etc.
• Spiritual activities such as meditation, prayer, quiet time with God.
• Time for yourself to spend as you choose.
• Self care; diet, exercise, medical care if necessary.
• Time for friends and fun.
• Hobbies, sports, or leisure.
• Work and career.
• Creating special memories, taking photos, going on vacation, doing something different, etc.
• Children’s activities.
• Add your own personal options if not mentioned above.

Reviewing your scores will allow you to set your top three priorities.  If you have a few items that tie, ask yourself which one feels more true for you.  This is not an intellectual question but a feeling question. Use your intuition.

Once you have your priorities, begin to cut out activities, delegate tasks to others or brainstorm ways to get everything done without going crazy.  Work with a friend who can help you overcome your blind spots. A blind spot is something you feel you have no control over and thus can’t change. It’s a stuck point. Psychotherapy is also very helpful to overcoming these stuck points.